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Sunday, June 10, 2007

Under Pressure

I need to hear that song by Queen about now. On Friday we found out we're having a daughter, and on Saturday I spent the day reeling with questions. With this new knowledge about the gender of our child, an onslaught of decisions have suddenly pressed themselves upon me. It's as if, not knowing the gender allowed me to hide from this pregnancy for a little bit, but now that I know, I have to step up and start making decisions.

First of all - what color do we want to decorate the nursery/study? What textiles do I want to use?

Secondly - How will I deliver my baby girl? Due to the complications in my pregnancy, there is a good chance that I'll have to have a C-section. No problem; no questions. However, if my condition improves in the next three months, and I'm able to give birth the good old-fashioned way, then I must decide if I want to go natural or epidural.

Thirdly - Once this baby is out, will I breast feed or bottle feed?

Fourthly - Will I raise her on the Ferber method? The Babywise method? The Attachment Parenting way?

All of these decisions carry with them a certain amount of guilt. There is a sense that there is a "right" way, and if I don't pick it somehow I will disable my child for life.

I've heard of "mothering guilt" before, but now I feel it first hand for the first time. Who designed this sticky web of heat? Where did it come from? When did I start carrying it on my shoulders? I think this is just crazy, but there's no escaping the whispers in my head.

Can't having a baby just be easy? Can't it just click?!


Blogger Jim and Jaena said...

I think motherhood does "click" eventually, but I am sad to report that there still seems to be an endless struggle with guilt (for me at least.) I feel most content when I remind myself that despite any choices we make, I love our kids immensely and that Jim and I are attempting to raise them to be godly.

My advice is to listen to your "intuition" (a.k.a. Holy Spirit) with which God blesses mothers: yes even mothers-to-be. Decide what is best for you and your baby and let others' well-meaning advice go in on ear and out the other.

You and Dwayne will be great parents! Congratulations on a baby girl. :)

12:43 PM  
Blogger Jim and Jaena said...

I meant "in ONE ear and out the other." I can't type!

12:44 PM  
Blogger Sandra said...

Yeah, I don't think you need to worry about there being a "right" and "wrong" way to raise your child. I think you and Dwanye will do smashingly!

This is Sandra from Mosaic, by the way...

8:24 PM  
Blogger Marcia said...

I think, being who you are, you'll do a lot of reading and then raise her on the "Tintaylor Method"! (Which will be specially designed for the Taylor Tot—by you, Dwayne, and God!)

There ARE days when it all just clicks. Then there are the "Bad Mama" days. (Like when I told 6yo Nate to quit whining...and it turned out he had a broken toe!!!)

Some days (OK, every day), all you can do at the end of the day is pray, "Dear God, I did the best today that I knew how. Please make up the slack for me." And He does!

Something I've grown to realize is this: If I believe by faith that my child is "called according to His purpose," then "all things work together for good" in his or her life—God's using even my flawed parenting!

Remember, you're surrounded every day by wonderful, kind people who were birthed naturally and "with drugs", who were breastfed and bottlefed, who were raised by the Spock method, the Dobson method, and the "woodshed method"!

Trust yourself, trust God, and give yourself permission to be human (aka "flawed"). Praying for the three of you!

3:53 PM  
Blogger Christin said...

Thanks ladies - for your encouragement! It's wonderful to hear other perspectives on the matter.

12:16 PM  

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