The Beginning of Desire

It's Christmas and everyone's thinking about the birth of Christ, but I've been thinking about the birth of all babies, and how much fun it would be to have a baby of our own this Christmas. Most of the time, I don't think about babies, but it's a strange mood that descends on me when I'm at my mom and dad's house. I think maternal hormones cloak the air around here. Also, this is the first Christmas without my sister, Annie, and it's been a little lonely.

Today it's just four adults celebrating. It's been sweet, but I have to admit it would be fun if there were kids involved. I've decided that kids make the Yule tide exciting. It's the way they zip through halls, run things over, ask to open presents, cause messes, and generally add more electricity to the air. With adults, it's just not as thrilling. Gone are the days of anticipation. Now it's more about the Christmas dinner for me: the delicious ham, mashed potatoes, cranberry jello salad, and soft rolls. Pleeeaaase!

For that reason I have spent this week thinking about the birth of our family. Hasn't happened yet, but I wonder how I'll feel in a week, when I'm back in our apartment, tending to my regular routine. Until now, the desire for kids has come and gone the way I come and go from mom and dad's house. I really love the rhythm of our married life. We're young, unattached, and mobile. But is this how women start wanting families? Sitting around a Christmas tree with three other adults? Is this the beginning of desire?