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Thursday, August 30, 2007


My dreams have been so vivid lately. Not bad, just intense enough to make me feel I've stepped into an alternate reality. In my dream this morning, I reunited with my best friend from Junior High, who lives in England, and whom I've lost contact with years ago.

She didn't recognize me, but when I saw her, I felt I had found her, after years and years of searching. She graciously let me sit by her eventhough she didn't seem as excited to see me as I was to see her. Then, looking down the row, I saw she was sitting next to Cameron Diaz. She had somehow along the way befriended this superstar.

I woke from this dream because the baby was moving and moving and moving. It was 7:30. I squeezed my body pillow reflecting on how real the dream was, but soon I was concentrating on how strong the baby's movements were. For a half hour she just wiggled and moved and rocked. It was a wonderful moment - curled in the sheets conscious of her presence. It was as if she was just hanging out, playing, waiting for me to get up.

This started me on dreams of another kind. Dreams rooted very much in reality. Dreams of how my life is about to change.

Tuesday, August 21, 2007

The End of Dignity (*Best for Female Eyes Only*)

I found it. About two weeks ago. This also happened to be the day when my father's first cousin, Terry Duckworth, found himself stuck at LAX for a twelve hour layover, and came to spend the day with me.

As I hopped in the car to get him from the airport, I was already making plans for our day. Little did I know that things would NOT go according to plan.

I decided to take him to Palos Verdes, a beautiful city South of Los Angeles, to show him a Frank Lloyd Wright Jr chapel, and the Trump National Golf course, two popular tourist spots.

The day started beautifully. There were no weddings in the Wayfarer's Chapel and so we were able to get in and look around. The scenery was gorgeous.

Next we went to the Trump National Golf Course, and walked around the beautiful grounds overlooking the ocean. Soon it was time for lunch and Terry treated me to a very posh lunch at the Trump Clubhouse.

'Round about that time, I started to feel a little uncomfortable. Now I had paid pretty close attention to my body and the baby all morning while we were touring around. I was sure to drink lots of water and sit and rest when I needed, but now something different was going on.

I excused myself to the restroom and was sure when I got there that my waters had broken. Ironically, every person I would have called was unavailable. My mother was in Maui, celebrating her 30th Anniversary with Dad. The two friends who've recently gone into labor and given birth were either out of town or working. And my doctor's line was busy.

I did the only thing I could think of. I went back to Terry and told him calmly, "I don't want to alarm you Terry, but I think I need to make a visit to my doctor's office."

We got to the doctor's office, and were immediately redirected to the Labor and Delivery section of the hospital. Poor Terry had to cart me around and then shuffle off to a waiting room. I'm sure that is not how he had envisioned spending his day in LA.

Meanwhile, the nurse strapped me up and ran a series of test. After two hours she returned triumphantly. My waters did NOT break. I was NOT going into labor. I had probably just wet myself.

This my friends, is the end of dignity.

Sunday, August 12, 2007

Will the Taylor Tot look anything like her father did?

Friday, August 03, 2007

5 Years

Dwayne and I have been married for five years today. The symbol for five years of marriage is wood. As I thought about some of my favorite kinds of trees, the properties of wood, and the properties of marriage, I stumbled across three comparisons.

Wood is sturdy, solid, dependable. We use it to build structures that permeate our lives. For example, the wood book shelf sitting beside the wood desk I'm typing on in our apartment ribbed with wood.

But lest we make wood sound boring and fibrous, let me draw attention to the fact that wood is also pliable. While trees are very sturdy, they still bend with the wind. In the hands of a skilled craftsman, wood flexes to create the curves of a violin, or the beautiful arches of a building.

Left untouched, trees grow deep into the earth intuitively following threads of water while their branches grow like lace, twisting and turning to find light.

These three traits of wood remind me of three things I have come to appreciate about my marriage in particular:

1) My husband is my solid tree. He adds structure and order to my life in such a way that brings peace and rest. He has proven to me over and over again that I can truly lean on him!

2) Dwayne and I have learned to flex with one another. These last five years have given us time to learn how to let go of our own fixed expectations and to bend with each other's unique personalities. There is beauty in letting go and learning to be pliant in love.

3) Like trees, I want to be intuitive about how to keep our relationship healthy over the next five years. I want to go where the water leads me, and branch out where the sun lies. I want to constantly be growing in the direction of health, doing the things I need, to make sure Dwayne and I continue to grow in intimacy and love.

Happy Anniversary Dwayne!