Rain, Baby Ramblings
It is a rainy day here in El Segundo. Beautiful. I watched a bird dart through the rain and then take refuge beneath a thick green bush outside our window. I started wondering just how dry it was under those branches. Do the leaves and the bark really keep the wet out? Certainly not the cold, but I couldn't help but think how cozy it would be perched in there surrounded by leaves and rain.
For the time being this apartment is my thick green shelter. I will be perched in here for the next six months and I am slowly starting to unravel into a bedrest routine. It is different everyday. Where as my goals for each day used to consist of grading papers, planning lessons, contacting students, cleaning, cooking, now that list has been whittle down to these two things:
1) Grow a baby
2) Write
I have to fight the urge to feel guilty about my time spent on the couch. This morning, I sat for forty-five minutes just staring out the window, getting absolutely nothing done - except of course, for growing a baby.
When complaining to my friend Erika yesterday that I felt guilty about watching movies in the afternoon, or reading books, she told me, "Christin, you should feel guilty if you're not laying around."
In addition to my plans for writing, I've also decided to take up knitting. This will give me good time to think about the baby, imagine it in my life, here, healthy, active. I'm wary of the "positive thinking" cults that have sprung up around LA, but I can't help wondering if worrying about the baby could become a self-fulfilling prophecy. Yikes! Don't want to start with all that hocus pocus, but I figure that spending time imagining our healthy baby will at least keep me from worrying.
Wednesday night five women from our Bible Study came over and prayed specifically for me and Dwayne and the Taylor Tot. There's something so reassuring about intercession. Knowing that others are praying for you gives you the strength to hope. I am so grateful to my friends, and to all of you who continue to pray for us!
Next friday we go back to the doctor. I'll keep you posted.
posted by Christin at
11:06 AM
8 Comments:
I just love the way you list "grow a baby" as an item on a to-do list. Makes me smile. And I think the "Taylor Tot" nickname is adorable :)
You continue to be in our prayers... Love to hear about what you're up to, enjoy the couch
_dave
Hey congrats on the baby! I haven't stopped by for awhile...that's so great! I'll keep you and your Taylor Tot in prayer as you move through your pregnancy and into tangible motherhood :).
Amy - do you ever have weird moments during your pregnancy when you start to think of the baby in terms of a seed or a bud? There's a baby inside of us! Really, this process is so strange.;-)
Dave and Lynnette - You guys are great! Thank you so much.
Jess - So good to hear from you. I need to stop by your blog and say "hi." In fact, I'll do that now.;-)
Christin,
Just heard about your pregnancy and bedrest through Corrie Easley. On the one hand, I feel a little anxious for you, a little nervy, because my sister-in-law is on bed rest too, and she's anxious, and a little nervy. But on the other hand, I'm happy for you, because I can't think of anything better than going through the most important event of your life with hours upon hours in which to write about it. Maybe that's shallow of me. Maybe it'd be better if you were up and about and doing whatever, but I think something great - aside from the baby of course - can come out of this. Best of luck to you and your writing and your knitting. And I will say a prayer for the baby, growing past luck and chance, in you.
Jason, How amazing to hear from you. Thank you so much for your note! I think you're right. I think I've been given an increadible gift with this next six months off. The less I worry about the baby, the more grateful I am for this time to write. I wonder how your writing it going! I get updates on you and your new family through Rosie Bills. :-)
Christin,
I had ultrasounds at <12 weeks, so I know the "intimate acquaintance" whereof you speak! Eesh!
When I was on bedrest, I struggled with feeling guilty, too! It was right after the fire, and I already had three other kids who needed some serious emotional support, along with their "daily maintenance".
Then one day, it struck me. "Other people can listen to my kids, or comb their hair, or do their laundry—but only I can grow this baby!"
Other people can grade the papers, plan the lessons, contact the students, clean, cook. Let them do it. Your holy assignment for today is to help God grow a part of the future!
Thinking of you often, and praying each time I do....
Marcia, these are great words. Thanks so much!
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