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Wednesday, July 13, 2005

Hello Margaritaville!


Dwayne had his surgery this morning to remove the melanoma skin cancer from his right shoulder. As far as the surgery went, Dwayne did great. In all, the surgery was only a 1/2 hour, but we were at the hospital from 6:30 to 10:30 am. They didn't put him to sleep for the whole surgery. They gave him a "MAC," which was to put him to sleep for about five minutes while they numbed his arm and then they gave him a heavy sedative which made him really relaxed. The doctor described it as a heavy cocktail or a margarita. :-)

And boy was Dwayne happy when he came out of surgery! It was like there was no filter from his brain to his mouth. He just blurted out everything on his mind.

When I visited him in the recovery room, he held up a feeble peace sign and yelled "Whaaazzzzzzuuuuup!" I knew immediately he was drugged! I started laughing so hard I could barely talk to the doctors. Let me give you a glimpse into the conversations:

Setting: Dwayne is lying on a movable bed with lots of white blankets on top of him and various tubes and wires attached to his body. He can't move either arm because one is wrapped up and the other is strapped with hospital devices. One more thing: he's in the same room he was in before the surgery.

Dwayne: (about three noches louder than you've ever heard him speak) AM I IN THE SAME ROOM AS BEFORE?!
The nurses try not to giggle while they type different things in the computer, flip papers, mess with other hospital stuff.
Dr. Khattab: Yes, you're in recovery.
Dwayne: (very perky) OH! WHERE'D EVERYBODY GO?!
Dr. Khattab (to Christin): He wont remember much of this conversation later.
Christin: (in a fit of giggles) Really?
Dwayne: I REMEMBER EVERYTHING! I'M FINE! AAA-AAAH, MY NOSE ITCHES!
I look over to see Dwayne jerking his head around, his mouth open, his nose twitching.
Dwayne: ITCH IT! ITCH IT!
I use one finger to scratch his nose.
Dwayne: (with a mischievious grin) INSIDE!
I collapse into another fit of giggles, but refuse to scratch the inside of his nose!
(Dr. Khattab is walking out of the room)
Dwayne: KHATTAB! ARE YOU LEAVING?! (He also said "Whaaazzzzuuupp! to Dr. Khattab when he came out of surgery.)
Dr. Khattab: No! I'll be back.
Dwayne: WELL, DON'T LEAVE WITHOUT LETTING ME SAY "THANK YOU!"
Dr. Khattab: You're welcome.
The nurses keep giving me knowing smiles because they think Dwayne's funny too.
Nurse 1: He was talking alot when he came out of surgery. It was cute. That's when I knew he'd be just fine.
Dwayne (to me): I JUST HAD A HEAVY MARGARITA!
Nurse 2: He'll be in recovery for about an hour. We'll watch him. You don't have to stay here.
Christin: I don't?
Dwayne: NO, BUT YOU WILL IF YOU LOVE ME!
The nurses laugh. I try to fight off more giggles.
Nurse 1: Yeah, he told us you love watching Regis and Kelly. (There was a TV in the waiting lounge.)
Christin: Oh he did, did he?
I consider leaving becuase I'm a little embarrassed by Dwayne, but then I realize I'll miss out on all the action and nobody will be there to tell him to quiet down. I try to stroke his hair and tell him to be quiet but I keep doubling over in laughter. This just encourages him.
Dwayne (to the nurse who is about to go get something hospitalish) HEY! HEY! I HAVE ANOTHER QUESTION!
Nurse 1: Yes?
Dwayne: DO I STILL HAVE MY ROBE ON UNDER THE BLANKETS?!
I could no longer control myself. I was laughing so hard.
Nurse 1: Yes. We wouldn't take that off.
Dwayne: GOOD BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO POP UP AND HAVE - YOU KNOW - NOTHING ON!
Nurse 1: No, no, we wouldn't do that to you.
Christin: (laughing) Shhh. Shhh. Talk quietly.
Dwayne: (looking his neighbor's hospital socks) DO I GET TO KEEP MY SOCKS?!

After about 2o minutes Dwayne finally begins to mellow. And so do I. Apparantly, on the way into surgery Dr. Kovar (the anesthesiologist) had this conversation with Dwayne:
Dr. Kovar: Do you ever drink?
Dwayne: Not really.
Dr. Kovar: Well, I'm going to give you a margarita.
Dwayne: Well, hello Margaritaville.
Dr. Kovar: It's a little early for a margarita, but it must be happy hour somewhere.
Dwayne: It's five o'clock somewhere!

10 Comments:

Anonymous the one that never comments said...

With my night completely consumed with reading, I've noticed I have not spoken in hours, except a voicemail I left you enquiring on Dwayne’s surgery...your blog has revived me! I am laughing out loud and commenting to the computer screen as if your hearing me!Dwayne-three notches louder-priceless. Praise God for the successful surgery, and also in blessing you with a gift of writing pictures!!

11:07 PM  
Anonymous Emily said...

Wow Christin! You surely have the gift of writing (I love reading your blog)--your story of Dwayne is so funny. :) It makes me feel as if I were right there. Wish I were! I really miss you. Keep writing for His glory.

5:09 AM  
Anonymous Anonymous said...

christin taht was really funny I'm glad you were around to share the story haha I can just see Dwayne being all drugged up saying stupid stuff haha
that was great thanks christin you made my day.
Heidi Taylor

9:17 AM  
Anonymous Joy said...

I felt like I was in the room myself. I'm picturing dwayne right now doing all those things you wrote about.

10:32 AM  
Blogger Amanda said...

After coming out of surgery, I started crying because I couldn't find my pocket.

10:54 AM  
Anonymous Emiliy said...

I'm laughing even the 2nd time as I read it over dad's shoulder.

1:16 AM  
Blogger Brandon and Lisa said...

Oh my gosh! I am dying here. That was the most hilarious thing ever! Thanks for letting me share in the fun at laughing at Dwayne. :) What a character. I'm so glad the surgery was successful and that he is doing well! We'll be praying for his continuing recovery. We miss and love you guys! -The Riggs

3:03 AM  
Blogger Spicy_Tofu said...

"Knock Knock!

Who's There?

Dwayne!

Dwayne who?

Dwayne the bathtub, I'm Dwowning!"


Hey, Christin, thanks for the funny story. It's good to know that Dwayne with all the workaday layers peeled off is at heart, a funny dude. Best of luck with the recovery and the meds. I'll keep you both in prayer.

7:37 AM  
Blogger Spicy_Tofu said...

This comment has been removed by a blog administrator.

7:39 AM  
Blogger Erik said...

Wow! Hilarious story! Glad everything came out ok. I think I might try living through a day talking like Margarita man!

2:18 PM  

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